Communicating commitment through actions and intentions

so here goes another on that thing I'm listening to again like I listen to things because I go oh okay I wanted to actually talk about that and then it kind of helps me since I'm not discussing these topics with anybody but something that jumping off of the same thing that I was talking about the things that we communicate with our actions so

she was saying, how is it that you expect to find somebody serious if you're not taking that person seriously? Which, you know, it's kind of on the same basis of the things that I was talking about earlier, except I had to go finish my shopping. But see, that's the thing. When you're looking for a person, you know, whether it be woman or man, and

you don't want the commitment with that person and you want to still sleep around and have your cake and eat it too. But then you feel victimized or used because you have someone either plucking at your pockets or whatnot and using you. That is essentially what you're communicating. You're not willing to invest in anyone

you don't want anyone to take the time to invest in you because you know if they fall in love with you and they want you to be exclusive you don't want exclusivity so what you are communicating whether it be to the universe or to others you're communicating to the opposite sex that you're you're willing to be used because you're not looking for the commitment towards yourself

you're not willing to give the commitment. See, this is how we don't understand sometimes that these simple things, we do mirror each other. And then we'll come back around and complain and say, oh, they just want me for my money. No, actually, there are people that don't just want you for your money. The problem is that you're unwilling to make the investment into people of character that

are willing to make the investment. But then it goes back to the same thing. A person with their head on the street, they're not going to make the time investment. Or really, it's more so a thing of emotion. Invest the heart space because you already look like a red flag because that's risque. And when you take the risk with someone, you go, okay, this person's worth the risk, you know, or...

you know we're not taking into account the past because usually people talk a lot about the past and stuff but for the most part if you love someone you love them regardless of past present future doesn't matter um you end up falling for who you fall for right um some people do take it into account because you know some paths are more interesting than others um so it depends everybody has a preference but when you're looking for having something

that is serious and you're looking to settle down well then you have to reflect that you have to be that as well because if you just go around to everybody and you go uh i'm just gonna pick and choose at the flowers and uh you know whichever flower i like best i'm gonna keep it and then i expect that that flower is going to stay faithful to me and not use me you've not communicated that from the beginning it started off shitty it's gonna end shitty

that person is using you. That person wants you for alternate reasons because that's what you're putting out into the world. And then the person that is not that way, that crosses your path, that actually has genuine love to give, you'll fuck it up because you'll either sabotage it or you won't understand what you have in your hand. It won't translate. And again, it goes back to the same thing of,

loving yourself because when you have these type of things people think that these types of rules like in whether it be in religion or christianity they go oh they're rules i don't want to buy by rules and it's like there are certain things in life just like the laws of physics and the natural laws of nature they exist for a reason so it's not that they're restrictions to hold us back from experiencing life

but simply to keep us out of chaos and consequence. So, you know, if you're just trying to rebel and trying to drudge yourself into the deepest parts of the ocean where you know that it will not hold you and you're not meant to be there and you're not equipped to be there, you can keep doing that and get hurt all the days long and forevermore. But essentially, you're going to keep hitting your head against the pavement

because it's really a lesson to be learned and it's a lesson of self that these people that we meet in our lives, it's not that we're constantly just, oh, woe is me, I'm so innocent. It's that at times you meet these people that really we're just mirroring ourselves and until we get out of those toxic patterns or we aim correctly,

towards the things that we want, we're able to then match with the people that we find, you know, but, you know, you end up finding someone, and you see that happen a lot, you end up seeing that someone finds somebody, and they go, oh, well, this one, this one I'm going to change for, so they'll, you know, they realize real quick, and it's because of that,

they realize, wait a minute, I have to change. I'm not walking in my walk of life properly. And for the things that I want, which is a person like this of quality, a person that has their head on straight, a person that's going to show me true love and respect, I'm not willing to play these games because you already know that this is not a game player. This is a person that's not playing games. So

you're willing to then straighten up, make an investment. Why? Because you need to match that person, not necessarily energy, but yes, their energy, but you're also matching their actions. And when I say that is because, you know, you want someone trustworthy. Well, wonderful. You're going to be experiencing them looking for someone trustworthy, but you have, you know what it looks like because you see it within yourself.

And people, when we're with a partner, that person will better us in some shape or form, whether it be because of the negative or the positive. The negative, because we learn lessons, so we can use that towards growth. And then the positive, they encompass things that we do not have or they're not our forte or strength. And that person teaches us in that way as well. So long that we're not jealous and envious of each other, but that you understand that

it's not a frailty on your part, more so that it's a strength to have this person by your side because it is an added feature to you. You know what I mean? It's not a competition to have and come against your other half. This is a strength to have this person on your side. So when that happens and you're looking for someone trustworthy, you're looking for people that you could count on, you're looking for a person, those qualities need to be things that

you either walked down the path that you start having those features in yourself as well that way you can recognize it in the other person um but when you hear these stories of like oh well and again i always think it's just a truly um maybe not just between men and women but just between people um

we all speak different languages at times when it comes to these things and until we realize either through wisdom or through learning you know through experience we learn how our actions and the things that we do are actually communicating a lot more than what we think so when you see a person that wants their cake and eat it too what am I to expect as a woman when I see that personally now I believe

There's different practices, but in my world and for others that are along that same path, I believe in being monogamous. Why? Because naturally, people get jealous if there's more than one partner. And some people take that as, that's a good thing. I want them to be jealous over me, but it's not a good thing.

you know, it creates a lot of unnecessary toxicity, rivalry. And at the end of the day, you know, and this is also, I'm talking about for the couples that are in monogamy, if they have other practices, this is not the chat for you. But it does create a lot of toxicity, competition and rivalry. And why? So that the person, the man could usually feel wanted, but yet that is something internal that when the man is solid,

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but others can see that if you're trying to put people against each other just so the fact that it could increase your self-esteem they may not say it to you but some women and some men who read people well enough it's very apparent it's very apparent that either that person has low self-esteem or that you're wanting people to want you to increase your self-esteem and then it begs the question as to why

Why? Then that self-esteem is something that you need to work on. You know, it's something that needs to be built within yourself. Again, it goes back to self-love, loving yourself, getting to know yourself. You know, that these toxic ways of being also complicate and bring chaos into our life. It's not that it brings peace. So if it were to bring peace, I would say knock yourselves out. But it doesn't bring peace. It brings chaos.

It also lowers the self-esteem of either person that they're being put up against each other. So you're hitting multiple people on the head. And think of it this way. Again, I talk about the seed that we plant. So when you do that, there is a seed that you plant. It is your seed of low self-esteem. You branch that out and you put people against each other. Let's say a woman. You put these women against each other.

and what happens what are you breeding what is the tree of the fruit that comes from that tree these women start dealing with low self-esteem you might have gotten a very confident woman in the beginning and she gets broken down to second guess herself not feel good about herself not sure if she's good enough because you're putting up her up against everybody else so what you've done is not invested the way that you've not invested love into yourself

you have reproduced what you have within and you have given low self-esteem to the ones around you. So the ones that you were supposed to and that were expecting your love receive toxicity in return. And then they share in the weakness that you have. So from outside appearance, you may feel like, ha, I'm confident because these people are fighting over me. But in reality, that's something internal you need to deal with. And what you've done is

the same low self-esteem outside of yourself for these women to have it as well you know so is that fair you know is is that fair if that's the fruit of what occurs then no it is not fair it's not fair to the people that it's done to it's not fair to the women and it's not fair to yourself because you're not honoring the person that you are either

And then what do we want? We want peace and we want love. Okay, well, does that sound like something that would breed love? Does that sound like at the end that there would be admiration? Does that sound like at the end that that person will increase in love towards you? No, but they'll increase in jealousy. So we're talking about something toxic that is not love. Love is something else.

love is that she's going to love and admire you and nurture you but she needs to be nurtured too and nurturing is created in safety having safe space you know that you're in places where you go i can trust this person i can confide in this person i can you know really lean on this person all of that is is possible but you have to invest it into that man or woman first

in order for you to see that reflected back. Because if not, all you're going to do is get the other side of your reflection, which is your inner reflections of the either toxic behavior or the behaviors that we don't even recognize at first. We think that these behaviors are, oh, it's just normal. You know, just dealing with drama again. It's like, no, it's not normal. You're creating toxic environments for yourself because you're not inner. You're not looking within.

and yet if you do that you are able to start recognizing like wait a minute I recognize what it looks like for a person to truly be genuine towards you I can tell the difference I can tell the difference between the you know the fake the fake diamond and the real diamond I can tell the difference now why because by your by your fruits by the fruits you're going to know them and it's those fruits you know when they talk about fruits they go

Oh, it's to see what they do, their actions. It's like, no, it's beyond that. It's that you're seeing what is sprouted outside of that. And what the world sells is very picturesque, perfect. And it's not, you know, sometimes the truth, it brings a bit of chaos for there to be disorder to bring order. And in that disorder, they'll judge it because they'll be like, oh, that's disorder. That person's harsh.

that's too truthful that's too mean that's too straightforward that's too this but does it bring you peace at the end to clean it up yes so it takes sometimes our growth you know so but we learn that within time because you know we're all different ages so if you're younger and you're going through those lessons you might hit your head a couple of times you know and learn that you might go through needing to learn wisdom um

some people enjoy it they we all have different behavior patterns and they're used to either toxicity or you know they find it thrilling you know we all have different uh ways that we interact with this world you know but if you're looking for love and you're looking for understanding and compassion and partnership i mean

at the core, I think many seek these things. So it's not that it's something unsought for, you know, people pay for it still to this day, they're looking for it. However, our actions speak volumes. And sometimes our actions, they're very, they're disproportionate to the things that we are actually trying to attain. And we expect that

if we act this way, it should still render us the same result. But we already know, like even at its simplest, like the seed, whatever we put into the ground is what's going to sprout up, how we nurture it. And it's interesting because it's like a lot of people, they want their cake and they want to eat it too. And I'm just like, it just, it doesn't work like that for what you want. You know, if it's, that's what you're looking for.

now if you're looking for other things then that's perfectly fine but for the people that are saying like oh well i want love and i want compassion i want someone who understands me i think that the problem becomes is that that that takes work is what it is it takes work and it takes an investment an investment to yourself now but in a different way because we might think oh well i do invest in myself it's like yes but not in on the emotional arena

in the love department. Um, so what happens is that we'll take investments and we'll make them in cars and in all the other things, but yet we treat the car better than we treat ourselves. And that says something, you know, um, I always, I remember like

being in church at times. And we would be like, you take the premium gas and you put the premium gas in the car because it has to have the best. Meanwhile, you go and put anything inside of you. Yeah, that's a fair girl. But meanwhile, you go and put anything else inside of you. You got to be careful. How is it that you're treating the car better than you're treating yourself? How is it that you take into account other people or other things better than yourself? Then you have to sit down with yourself and think, how am I

not nurturing or caring for myself. And see, once you start making those investments, they take some time, whether it be a little bit of time or maybe a little bit of a lot of time, but it takes time because at that point, it's to teach yourself how to one, change your pattern and two, reflect a bit differently and really be assertive as to what you're looking for

in order to be that, attract that, have that, and be able to maintain that, nurture it. Because at that point, you'd be like, okay, well, now I have the ways of doing it, you know? I could recognize it. But when you want to entertain, you know, that you see a person that they're serious, like about their relationships and things like that,

and they could be dedicated to you and loyal to you and all of that but they're not gonna go hand that to they're not gonna go hand that to a person that is going to be frivolous with it you know they might make the mistake at first because you know if they get duped um with false promises you know because that happens and um you know especially during sexy time they'll be like yeah yeah yeah whatever you want i love you you're the best in the universe

you know so you get sold a dream and then at the end of the day it's not necessarily that you know because the person didn't encompass the qualities so we we all make our our errors and unfortunately for better or worse we learn you know but when we don't have these you know we're not giving us ourselves the respect that we deserve even to ourselves then there's no way of us recognizing that

those type of qualities in other people in order to not get confused um and understand why why sometimes you know um again you could be in a situation where um you can adore the person you could love the person you could really see all of the future with this person and it's great you know but it's uh it's only a figment of the mind

because in actuality the person doesn't want to change these qualities that they have um they don't want to sit down and commit they do not want to um you know there's just everybody has to learn their lessons at different times in in their life you know but they don't have the desire to do these things and because it takes work it takes a discipline you know

at least, at the very least in the beginning. Because a lot of things, whether it's like, yeah, you're going to feel that, but there's a choice. The car will go wherever you want to take it, but you got to first put in the key and turn it on. It's fine, but the decision needs to be made first before you start driving wherever it is that you want. So sometimes we want things, but I'm like, but do you want things? It's like saying, I want to be

like right now, I want to be 20 pounds lighter. Okay. But are you doing the things that you need to be doing? Not right now? I'm not, but I will, you know? So it's like, there's other things that I do, but if it's that, that's my goal, truly, then that's usually the conversation I have myself. It's like, do you want that? Do you really want that? Then you're going to have to push yourself to just do it and then make it happen, you know?

um because it's what you desire truly but if you don't truly desire it you just want it in theory just in theory is the way that you want it you know which means that you want it but it dances around everything that you have constructed and this is the funnier part that i always think of because this has happened to me they'll be like i want that person right and this person's calm has peace minds their business whatever whatever

you want that person great wonderful but you want to bring them into your toxic world so it's like taking a fish that had their their fish tank and they were fine and you want to go take them from fresh water and throw them into salt water and put them in a total different atmosphere will that fish survive you know does that fish will it be happy so the fish that you

first met and you go, oh, this is a wonderful fish. I love this fish. But you tampered with it. You went to destroy everything around it. You went and totally destroyed its atmosphere. You took it out of its habitat. You messed with everything of its food, of its living space, of everything. And you completely changed the fish's life. And then you expected for that fish to still be happy and resilient and joyful

and comfortable and be itself the way that when you first observed that fish and that fish changed that fish is never ever the same because you tampered with the fish and then it provided the atmosphere that it needed so a lot of times we love people and we love them how they are but

We're not ready for them. And we selfishly try to bring them into our worlds without first dealing with our world. And if we live in a very toxic atmosphere with toxic people and toxic things, and you want to just bring this person who, you know, lives maybe on opposite ends, you know, as far as like behaviors, doesn't have any of these habits.

it's not going to be easy to have as much as that person can care for you or as much as you can love them and they can love you the person will have to at the end they go into fight or flight because they will want to go back into their natural habitat their natural way of being of living of having peace and they will run away from you it's what's bound to happen so

we don't understand that sometimes that we can take all the actions that we want you know but the person that you end up loving and caring for and admiring and all these things in the beginning stages eventually because they're exposed to an atmosphere where that person expects to change nothing about their lives but add you into it it ends up corrupting the other person whether it makes

like a bird out of a cage, whether it makes the bird sad, whether it makes the bird, you know, not sing anymore, whether it makes the bird depressed, you know, it ends up changing the animal as much as it changes the person. So in essence, sometimes we don't necessarily want to change anything about ourselves. And then we expect that when we do

recognize these things in another person that we're just going to bring them into our toxicity and it doesn't happen that way you end up either falling out of love with that person or that person falls out of love with you one because you didn't protect them because again it goes into safety having love having patience guarding that person they guard you they respect you they admire you but they also they protect you they cover you you know there's there's a sense of safety and

friendship and love between the two so you earn that but when you don't do that for that person that person will change because they have to be defensive they have to protect themselves they have to guard their own heart you end up putting them in a needing to protect myself mode right

so what happens is that that person will do that for themselves but now their way of being has changed from when you first met them but why because you did not reflect who they were first so it doesn't matter if we try to say oh well i'll go ahead and just i'll i'll change and we'll see if i feel like it and then you don't well that person will change that person is gone

because we evolve, we change. We might go back and revert to being the same because we heal. But with these experiences, people learn. And then on the other token, the person that you admired and loved and cared for in the beginning, that person is not the same with you. They're gone. They're not there anymore because you've altered that person's existence. You've altered that person.

So these are the things that sometimes we don't understand that these things have to be done in order for us to attract properly and not just pull towards ourselves the things that we want because we're not ready for them. And when we're not ready for them, we tend to destroy them. So we self-sabotage. It's not that there's things that maybe cannot be recovered in some cases, but essentially that tends to happen

you know, that's a pattern that you see consistently with a lot of different couples, you know? And then they wonder why, like, oh, well, why did that person change? It's like, you made them change. You didn't prepare the nest for them. You didn't prepare the home for them. You didn't prepare for them emotionally. So sometimes we think it's just in the physical, but it encompasses everything, you know? So

even whether it's, you know, putting people against each other, whatever it is. Still, you'll have that partner. They're not going to be feeling safe anymore. You didn't protect them, so they're not going to feel protected. They're not going to feel like you defended them. So unfortunately, what happens is that that person who is wrecked and knows what they want, they're not going to handle that because at some point you're going to realize, wait a minute,

i was happy and this person's affecting me and now i'm not happy i'm not having this so we need to self-reflect and when we're done working on ourselves and we realize these things that is a good time because now you can actually attract the person that you're looking for and actually

be in a better circumstance and situation to be able to not just have that person but preserve the relationship because you understand one the investment that you made into yourself to recognize the same characteristics in the other person these are not restrictions to be like oh it's so that you go ahead and have restrictions these are things to to safeguard your heart so that you don't go through heartbreak all of the time and that when you do it's

much safer because you know how to heal yourself from it so it's not uh it's you know people are always kind of afraid of love because it's such a high risk thing you know because people get heartbroken left and right but when you're under the impression that you know that you can heal and you know how to do that then that changes things you know that really changes things so

one should really be aware of what you're looking for I think that sometimes we dedicate so much time into you know things that kind of don't matter and then the things when they cross in front of you that do matter at that point we don't know how to maintain them or or really what to do with them or recognize them properly

which you know it brings a lot of confusion but it is unfortunate i will say that it's it is unfortunate that i feel that a lot of the logic that gets tossed out sometimes again television and stuff it teaches incorrectly you know it teaches you how to do things backwards and these methods are not a way to find and to preserve and to really um

edify a loving relationship between two people that it's you know something of trust so and you know you'll still have your ups and downs but it's like the plant that has to go through the bad weather they grow better it grows better fruit so you know again in life the turmoil the challenges they're they're normal and we have to go through them they're inevitable they're actually to be expected but

Why would we want to add more turmoil than what we're already going to have in the first place? So these are ways to really recognize and help others prevent, again, looking within and saying, how do I start learning to appreciate myself, love myself? But also when it's things like that, it's like, how do I learn to value myself?

You know, because there's things like that where you go, how is that expressing that you value yourself? Like, well, in the same way that that person's valuing themselves, you know, we might take it wrong at first. But if that person says, hey, I'm not going to put up with that. I'm not worth like a fraction of your time. I'm worth your time. You know, I'm not going to be just shared. You know, I deserve a relationship like everybody else in this world.

and it's not my preference well what happens is that that person values themselves so if you do not feel that way you know towards yourself and not in an arrogant way but if you don't feel that way towards yourself and you don't set that as a standard for yourself as well and you just kind of uh pick at anything that moves um you know girl or guy it it says something you know

when you value yourself, you're like, wait a minute, there's consequences to my actions. So it's making purposeful moves in life because we think, oh, this is fun. And I'm like, but is it fun when the consequences come? No, no. When, when the consequences in STD, when the consequences, a child, then you go, oops, with the consequences, like, you know, really serious actions that happen. I mean,

that's where we have to say like is the is it fun or is it irresponsibility and how much did you show yourself respect so we have to learn to love ourselves because it does avoid us chaos it does avoid us consequence that we don't need to have sometimes there's consequences they happen you okay they happen i learned but when we're consistent with our consequences and we're consistent with our erratic behavior when we're consistent

and not listening to our better selves, then we have to ask ourselves, what is it that we're really aiming for here? What is it that we truly want? And aim for that. And I think that either if we're arrogant or if we're stubborn or if we're hardheaded, be hardheaded, be stubborn, do all these things, but be that for the right things. Be that for good things.

But when we have these, when we value ourselves in this way, people around us will value us as well. And again, if you're looking for a person, you say, well, I want love and I want this and I want that and I don't want people to use me. And it's like, but what you're putting out because you haven't learned to accept and love yourself and really take time for yourself, then you have not found out

how to love yourself yet and people are using you then people will use you because you basically use yourself you're just putting yourself out for you know for whomever will will accept you or love you and you know these are inner inner wounds that we need to learn to not fixate on but look at

and see how they are seeds that are planted within us that really affect our actions. And I do talk about the health aspect, like the diet and things like that, because that's in part of it. However, that's just one of the factors of changing in order to think more clearly, to be more balanced, and then to really invest that

again love time effort into yourself um and for why because the outcome is that you have love that you have peace that you have joy that you have you know not uh a russian roulette in life you know that you're actually able to find people in life and you go oh wait a minute i've really i like this person i want to settle down with this person

whenever that happens. You know what I mean? Whenever, however that happens. But also not let it end in, if it ends, it ends, but it won't end in such toxicity either, you know? But there's ways of preserving our relationships. And really, sometimes we think, oh, we have this free will. And it's like, you have the free will,

so that you could do a million things that you want. But the free will does not mean utter rebellion that works against you. You don't want the freedom so that it could work against you. You want the freedom so that it can help you be free, to have freedom to love, freedom to trust. And again, you may not have that with everybody in this lifetime, but I've always said,

at least the aim would be to have that with one, right? You may not have that with nobody, but you could aim to have that with one. So it's worth it to at least try to aspire to have that with one person. And we will not get to those places that even if we do, it's like you get to the top of the mountain and you go, met that person, it's that person. And then it's like, yeah, but you are not ready for that person. And then when you try,

to bring that person in and it's into a toxic environment. I mean, it's a fish that's not going to be able to swim in your ocean, um, because of the environment. So something to kind of think about too, you know, sometimes we, we want things and when they say it's just not the right time, you'll be like, it's not the right time. It might not be that it's beyond not the right time. Sometimes mistakes are made and it

self-sabotage. So there's things we have to consider, which is what do we really want? What do you really want? And do your actions support that? You know, if you really, really, really wanted a degree in college, you really, really would have gone to study and gone to school. So if that's what you desire, there needs to be some sort of investment in that. And that investment, believe it or not, is in self.

that needs to be something that stems from you to learn to love yourself in order that that could be mirrored back to you and that you mirror back to that person that healthy person then you're a part of them so they're not going to be looking to harm you they love you and I mean love you not fake love a love that when they hurt you it hurts you too that love and that love

is you know it exists but if it's not something that exists within you because you don't care to hurt yourself you will work against yourself all of the time and you will hurt yourself all of the time over and over again and you will attract people that will mirror you and will hurt you too so this is what we don't realize our actions our body language our thinking patterns they really do

they really do end up just attracting more of ourselves. So we will attract people that mirror our energy and mirror our actions. Because whether we think that we are communicating or not, we truly are communicating. We're communicating and it's not with words and it's not just the body language. It's an entire system of how you communicate with each other.

and um you know when you have a person that they see that nature and it doesn't feel safe you know we have to look within ourselves saying well but wait a minute you created an environment for yourself that's not safe you created chaos for yourself you surrounded yourself with things that you're not taking control of you're surrounding yourself with people who don't love you and use you why

why why and how and if you've done it on repeat why and how and how is it that you don't love yourself why don't you love yourself what aspects do you not see about yourself that others do so these are things that again we need to sit with ourselves and ask ourselves some who what when where why questions

regarding ourselves in order to really focus in on how we can heal those aspects. Because all you'll see then is that once you grow out of those paradigms and start healing, you really do start realizing and recognizing it in other people to surround yourself with better people. And not just that, surround yourself with

now reflections that are more along the lines of yourself, which is a healed version of yourself. I think sometimes the good thing is if we've ever been somewhat healed, but if you ever look back to a point where you were happiest or you were at the most healed at that point, less damage, less scarred, more hopeful, looking back to that person

and looking at that old self, they teach us things, you know, because we're, we're, we are all encompassed, you know, we evolve, but we definitely, we go through phases, so there's sometimes that, I'll even say to myself, I'm like, oh, younger Vanessa, you were wiser than I was, you know, you're wiser than I was in this area, what would you have done, you know,

And why? Because my logic might have been different at that moment in time, right? Whether it be because I was more innocent, more hopeful, happier, whatever it was. But I think it's good to sometimes when we self-reflect, kind of ask within ourselves that old self what they would have done or how they would have acted or what they would have done different. Or what is the difference between that person

and yourself today and really look into what changed. So that helps us to kind of see the negatives at that point as to what changed. Now, it doesn't mean that it's going to magically revert back, but it might give us a sense of saying, okay, well, there's things about my nature or, you know, X, Y, Z that I could change, right?

So it's good to just look into sitting with ourselves for a bit, sitting in nature, whatever it is, because everybody's method is so different. But I think it's very important. I don't think we reach moments in time where we can really honor and be with another person.

if it's that we bring them into atmospheres like that. Because in essence, you lose the person anyways. It's like having sand and it slips through your hands. You go, this is the thing I always dreamt of and wanted. And then it's like slipping through your hands because that person won't exist next to you. They can't coexist with you is what it is because you don't offer them the same safety and love and nurturing environment that they need. So essentially that person will never exist with you.

isn't that something right um but that is how it happens um and although they might change you it's as if you kind of absorb those things of them because yeah they'll help you they'll maybe love you to death and give up all of their energy but in essence you change them their nature changes their personality changes that person

no longer that person ceases to exist in your presence because you've not given them you know it it's almost kind of like that thing where you go and that happened to me once i was at this park and uh in a forest and out of the whole forest i walked through it and it's just it's beautiful though like there's grass and there's vines but in the middle of the whole thing there's just one random beautiful huge chunky flower

And I didn't go approach it because it had a lot of, it had vines, but it had a lot of spikes, right? Like a lot of them. And it was a huge, I mean, like the size of my fist, huge dandelion, but in red, like red with pink, like huge. And I wanted to grab it. But at the same time, I was like, that's the biggest wish ever. But at the same time,

I didn't want to grab it because I was like, how is it that it's out here in the middle of the forest, in the middle of nowhere, and it's so humongous? That's why it grew out here, because it's been untouched, right? And I thought, if I take the flower, I enjoy the flower. If I leave the flower, everybody who comes along this path, which it wasn't a very popular path because it's an overgrown path,

but I was like whoever does cross by here they'll be able to enjoy the flower as well so it's no point in me taking it because then nobody else gets to see it it's literally the only one out here so sometimes you know it's best for us to either wait on things or leave that flower untouched and leave it to be a flower you know because it's like

If the person was happy, if the person ensures it's like, I'll leave that person be because let me go ahead and allow them to be who they are or allow them to still be happy or allow them to keep that essence about themselves, not pick it up and keep it in my pocket so I could destroy it. But I got to keep it. Because again, once you picked up the flower, the flower stops being alive. The death process starts.

So sometimes there's no point in trying to, one, either rush love, or two, knowing that you're not ready, trying to rush love. Knowing that you're not ready, trying to rush towards relationships. Knowing that you're not ready, trying to rush towards commitments. And if you're not willing to be committed, there's plenty of people out there not willing to be committed. There's plenty of people out there just sleeping around. So many. There's plenty of people.

If people want to stay in those toxic cycles, stay in them then. Go ahead. But don't waste the time of the people who want the commitment, who want to express the love, who want to settle down, that genuinely want it. But first, it needs to be recognized within yourself. First, you need to see that within you.

and be that within you so that you can actually recognize it in other people, that it won't just be empty words and promises that they give you. And they tell you, yeah, I'm going to love you forever. I'm going to be, you're priceless to me. No, it'd be just empty words. They give you nice poetry. That's it. But they're not going to actually fulfill that because they don't know of it. They're not, they're not it. So these are two different, very different things. And one should question if you are not

there as a person if you have not met those parts in your life then you're not able to recognize it what is the likelihood that you will go out there and match yourself up with someone correctly it shouldn't be this complicated but in this world right now this generation sure is i was like this was much easier

before. You just get together and that's it. This is not what is happening now. Now you have to recognize things. Read body language. It's unfortunate, but it's because of the rhetoric. A lot of people will tell you pretty words, but they're really not that. And the actions when they get manipulated at the core, it's not that. So you really have to recognize it within yourself first.

because nobody's going to be able to dupe you at that point. You're going to be like, oh, I recognize what this is now. I recognize this. And, you know, one thing with that is that awakening. You know, when you're getting out of the matrix, this is part of that process too. You know, you're starting to self-love. You're starting to raise in consciousness. Your self-esteem goes up. You start learning to love yourself. You love others because you value them, you know, at their core.

um you just love people you know you love them even though they're a pain in your ass you love them so you start recognizing because you empathize you recognize this love in others and the unawakened person stands out to you like a sore thumb you go this person's still so in the matrix like they'll talk to you about being out of the matrix they're not they're they're like solid solid solid in the matrix like like this person is

like fist pumping with the Andersons. Like, no, this like person is in the solid, the matrix, like, no. So you really, you start seeing it. So they could tell you all the pretty words and you're going, this is empty because there's this energetic difference and empathetic pool that really changes. And it's very hard to explain unless it's that you experience it.

And unfortunately, what usually takes us is through the door of pain. It's through the door of the dark night of the soul. There's no other door to go through. It is that one. You need to go through the pain. And yes, in life you go through pain, but it doesn't mean that the pain sometimes causes us awakening because we haven't learned to deal with it and face it and go through that door. So

Dark night of the soul is like an accumulation of all of the lessons in life and you end up having to walk through that door and say, hey, wait a minute, I have to heal from these things because they are affecting your consciousness. They're affecting you and your rays and consciousness. They're holding you back. So you're not able to change your patterns. You're not able to change the methods of how you do things in life because your actions don't

they're not going to render you these results the awakened person who starts raising consciousness who walks through that door is a dark night of the soul it's painful yes but because of the pain itself that it teaches you harsh lessons you're able to then walk through that door and say wait a minute I don't want to do what I used to do I've changed I'm not the same person

i want to act differently and it's more than just a want it's a necessity because now you're i think of that song new soul i'm a new soul anyways but you are uh it's like it's like you're reborn almost um because you feel now wait a minute i now have uh this

notion, this feeling, this way of being that has changed. My thinking has changed. I realized the error of my ways. You start seeing yourself from a loving standpoint, but that you're able to deal with your inner self. So that is why, you know, you know, we might think a

It's like, no, you're in the matrix. You're in the matrix. If you're doing programming, if you're still back and forth and your actions have not changed, if your life isn't peaceful, if, you know, and I'm not talking about that there's not troubles. There's troubles. Because, you know, just like in the movie, you're going to have, well, Mr. Anderson was the other one. Was it the Smiths? Mr. Anderson.

um but anyways once you start going through that and truly awakening and evolving from these things you start realizing to change because you do want to not just love yourself you want to express love exude love be love um and it's more than just saying i just want positive you know this is not about positivity um

you know do you consider dark night of the soul positive no it's a it's a negative thing that causes purging but that's why i talk about a lot of times people say i want truth and it's like yes but i'll bring you truth and i'll bring you chaos in order to bring you order

so nobody wants to experience the chaos or the discomfort they just want the nice happy happy pappy things and this is not truth not usually it doesn't have to be rude or anything but the truth brings discomfort the truth brings a break of pattern so what happens when people are trying to protect paradigm and pattern they do not want your truth

and it's your truth. You can say truth is different because it depends what topic we're talking about, right? But when you're speaking a truth, let's say a fundamental truth like this, that you go, hey, does that bring peace though? Like what is the fruit of that? Well, then naturally this and this occurs. So that's a truth.

but we have our social norms our behaviors our patterns our ways of thinking and what we want and what our flesh wants so that truth makes a lot of people uncomfortable and it's simple but that truth will not sit well with people because they'll say well that makes me uncomfortable so do you want truth or do you not want truth do you want peace or do you not want peace so people sometimes will tell us things that we just want to hear

and they'll go ahead and reconfirm that bad behavior but no one will tell you that you're working against yourself and yet you'll hate the person that tells you the truth and that's the person that's trying to be your friend so that you don't get stuck in that pattern so this is the debate when it happens when you're awakened you know you'll speak that language

and that it's truthful. Why? Because you empathize. But, you know, I share more so for my expression of self so that I can get into writing soon. And, you know, well, I should say keep writing my things. But in reality, I've realized over time now that I'm older too,

that you can teach yes it might be helpful for others but you cannot have people pass over their lessons so sometimes i only speak if i feel that it's helpful if it's that i go to speak to somebody you know i i speak if it's helpful because sometimes i go is there a use to speak because the reality is that people have to overcome their challenges it just

gives me I guess I have more empathy or I have a lot of compassion when you have individuals that have been through really hard lives and they haven't had the luxury of having any type of person advise them we've had maybe people advise us throughout life and then they've not known certain things that they may not

They may be too busy to look within to notice these things. So sometimes it is good for people outside of ourselves to say, hey, did you ever notice this? And I appreciate that because I go, wow, that's great. You don't know if you saved that person 10 years of headache, of sadness, of depression, of solitary, you know, being alone, of a bunch of things. You don't know what you could have helped that person with. So yes, teaching...

to a point is great however we cannot talk people out of their lessons to avoid them of their lesson is is a detriment so sometimes you just have to let people do their thing and let it ride you know