Not forcing love & having true self esteem

I listen to some of these things online and, you know, I discuss a lot about love and it's just things that make sense to me. You know, forcing people to try to make them love you, it doesn't make sense to me. You know, because...

love attraction all of that is like um sometimes you don't even know what you like i'll be honest like you might be attracted i've been in positions where i'll be attracted to someone and i go wow i did not expect that you know you you you sometimes don't even know what type of mix and match of a person that you meet and you go wow this person is

ideal for me and you just you don't know what package that comes in how that person looks how that person is what culture that like you just don't know you you don't know um love and in reality it's like uh or attraction i should say it's it's fickle that way and as much as you might be attracted to that one person you know especially like if you're single and you know

There's a variety. There's a variety of people. You might be also attracted to another total opposite type of person as well. I think it depends what the person is looking for, what stage of their life they're in, how serious they are towards dating. If they're looking for someone that's... When you're younger...

you might be like uh influenced more so by the emotion or the feeling so it's like you have these feelings so you go by your feelings i really like this person i really love this person i really like how they are and um you know if we're not schooled or taught any different we're just going to go by that we don't get taught sometimes the other side of that coin is do they love me do they uh see the same in me you know is it mirrored back to me

and, um, we get in these, uh, boy, this rules might be, we get in these one-sided relationships, even though you're in a relationship, you know, you might be in it one-sided and at that point you get resented because you go, well, I'm with a person that I loved and I had attraction towards and I, but maybe that person doesn't feel the same or maybe their feelings changed. Um, and it could be because of the same types of reasons, you know, either

you're just in that stage of life where you look see now it started drizzling wasn't meant for me to go hiking today but i did get to walk a little bit and go do some things so it's cute for me anyways um you may um meet people that you know at that point you change you evolve you grow up you mature and the feelings you know the emotions they're not um they're not enough

You don't end up having the same type of feelings anymore.

and for the other person that becomes something that's very hard or difficult to understand because they didn't feel the same way they might have felt like I knew that you were perfect for me you were ideal for me you were this for me but again it's like we don't get taught that that person needs to mirror the same thing back to you so when you try to twist the person's arm or you try to force them into a relationship or marriage or

you know, to get together, to get to know each other, to court, to whatever, you know, I don't see the point in doing that. I don't, because at the end of the day, you're going to be precision. Let me go ahead and stop at the side here. Um, you're going to get caught in these circumstances where, um,

you have forced this person you have forced their will and it's not even something that's convenient for you you know um because at the end of the day you're trying to force and that's what i was saying earlier i was like it's like telling the person it's like your favorite color is going to be hot yellow from now on and hot yellow is what you like and genuinely the person's favorite color is blue why would you try to force that person when you're the you're you're hot yellow and

and you're trying to force a person to say, no, this is your taste now. This is what you like. This is how you should feel. Or even when you go into manipulating, you know, distorting your own self so that you can draw this person's attraction. I don't see the point nor the gain in that. I don't. I don't see the point in having to twist people's arm. I'm like, if you like me, great. If you don't like me, if we're in a relationship and at some point you stop liking me or you went for somebody else,

then i move on and might i take it a little bit hard sure you know might it feel uncomfortable sure might it feel sad sure you know but at the end of the day i mean that person is entitled to their feelings you know what i mean that person is entitled to um how they feel and it might not

it might not be the same way that you feel and that's just that's just it these these are things that are a part of life that it's like you learn to deal but i don't find it fair because i wouldn't want somebody to do that to me you know i wouldn't want someone to pretend that they're a certain way and act a certain way and be a certain way and then

they're not you know not only that you're going to know each other in different like scenarios in life so at some point you know even if that person is totally what you want and you guys marry each other and you guys feel the same at some point you're gonna have things you know you're gonna see them lose their temper you're gonna annoy them you guys might have an argument

So you're already going to go through those normal disagreements. Why add to that and make it something more toxic than it needs to be? Because disagreements are not toxic, but you're bound to have them. But you'll have them within a normal range because there's love between the both of you. But when you had a person distort themselves, manipulate you,

lie to you cheat to you just because they either wanted your money or they just wanted you I don't see how that's a win one for the other person that manipulated you created the scenario where this person might even grow to hate you so you end up creating for yourself a toxic situation or a negative situation or a situation where you already knew that the person didn't love you so why did you manipulate them just to have them

um and then by the way your favorite color has to be hot yellow no since feelings don't work like that you know um and that's i think why people get into the whole thing about saying you know people that are narcissistic because when the person is narcissistic they do not

They don't have the same type of emotion, right? There's a lack of feeling there. So besides there being a lack of empathy, which is that you really don't understand what the other person might be going through when you do these actions and you might be dealing with a sociopath. But...

aside from that that they don't understand that that is what i would think is more than likely the reason as to why they would recreate themselves so that they're just what you want

and then they think well I did everything that you wanted I am everything that you wanted that you said that you wanted but again there's just that random factor in life where you don't know you know when you have feelings you go and you meet different people in the world and you don't know what what might feel like oh finally that's my person you don't know what that person is you know you don't know what that person looks like you don't know how that person you can have an idea you know

some people are very steady in what it is that they want. But some people are just kind of like open to things, you know? Also, the more internally unique you are or mentally unique you are, you don't know what package that person in your likeness comes in because you have a uniqueness to yourself, you know? So...

it would it would be a lot to ask to say i want them to physically be like this and then mentally and emotionally and spiritually also be like this and they're my match you know that's that's a lot so sometimes you don't know what package that comes in and you know for that reason you just might um you you don't know you just might get along with someone that that you have no um idea that that would have been a person that would have been your ideal

But what's funny about love and finding likeness with somebody is the fact that, you know, we're all trying to not feel alone in this world, right? So you find that person that is your match, that is in your likeness, that you do have this in-depth connection with. You fall in love with that person. You know, you have love for that person. You fall in love with that person. That person becomes very special to you because it's, you know...

it's someone that you don't have uh not just a compatibility i got distracted i wrote a sign there like squirrel um it's not someone that you just have a compatibility with but when you find someone in your likeness it alleviates um you know if the person is either lonely or if the person um

feels like that they don't have a connection that's really in depth with anybody else you would have it with this person um and have this deep connection so having that bond becomes something so special that the

The other stuff kind of becomes something irrelevant. And I'm not saying that attraction won't be part of it. It will be. But there tends to be more attraction because there's so much connection in other areas. And that's why people cannot figure out. Usually it's like these men sometimes. I don't condone it. I would say men because men are more. But women too. Women do it all the time. I would... Well, anyways...

I don't think that one does it more than the other. I think that a lot of people cheat, you know? But they cheat for different reasons. Some cheat because they're already out the door. Some cheat because they are not happy and the person, you know, the other partner might not want to let them go. Some cheat because they're just unhappy. You know, there's a million different reasons as to why people cheat. They, you know...

there's a thing of self-love of also if they don't feel appreciated in their relationship but they get appreciated by some stranger they cheat because they're lacking in the self-love department you know they need to learn to love themselves so they won't look for this attention outside of themselves or outside of their relationship because the relationship it won't be it won't be the reason why people stay in other words

your relationship becomes something profound you have a respect and a love for your partner you will have enough self-love that even if your partner falters because he or she is not perfect

you are not dependent on this person's attention or lack thereof or his faults or her faults and use it as an excuse to go get attention somewhere else because you have enough self-love that it preserves the relationship that you guys have when there are moments of turmoil and problems or that it's not perfect or that that person is you know uh you can go ahead

um you don't stop being a human being and you don't stop going through feelings and through emotions and through things in your life just because you're either in a relationship or married so that's a lot of pressure to put on somebody that's why it's so important to yes have self-love but also be self-fulfilled so that when either partner falls short which it's bound to happen

you have the capability of having a discussion or even if it is a disagreement and be able to get through that trial and grow from it and it won't be something where you go well you're not giving me

what I want and since I'm depleted of it and I don't give it to myself I'm going to go to a stranger and go get it from them so the self-love becomes something that is you know and I always say self-love is important but it's important for so many different factors it is very important for you to have self-love

in order to have a healthy relationship because in scenarios like that the person will go and turn around and you know whether they go to work or they go anywhere else and because they are depleted of their own self-love and self-worth they will then pay attention to whomever is going to pay attention to them you know um or give them the attention that they want or you know give them the you know when we talk about also like humility

humility is super important you know being able to see again if you love yourself you're not going to need outside affirmations on a constant basis in order to keep your self-esteem up this in itself if you look at it it is a vulnerability so

being humble i always say being humble is not that oh i'm a worm it's knowing exactly what you are and where you're at in life right who you are and just knowing that you don't need to be more you don't need to be less if you want to be more than make yourself more if you're if you're unsatisfied and go from there but there's danger zones uh not necessarily just for relationship but as a person you know when you are in uh

when you're in a place where you don't have the self-esteem you're always going to outsource your self-esteem and you might have a lot of people that what they're doing is they're not feeding your self-esteem what they're doing is feeding your ego and what happens is because you are unaware of who you actually are who you are as a person as a man as a woman what happens is that you'll have people manipulate you by feeding your ego and

so they'll tell you

and that in itself is a weakness because you allow yourself the open door by not working on your self-love by not working on your self-esteem and by not allowing humility what you'll have is pride which gets confused for self-esteem and it's all because they have fed you a plate of eagle but what they do is that they pull your strings because this is not the person that you truly are you end up sitting in places where you believe that this is your personality and

you believe that this is you and you have yet to know yourself so what you've done is given the reins to others and you know again you'll outsource all of your self-esteem quote-unquote to other people and what they'll do is just

blow smoke up your ass and tell you and sell you what they oh you're wonderful you're this you're that but they you know they're not friends they're not people that tell you the truth they don't sell you the reality of who you are and that in itself like um you know when we're young especially as kids like you get taught a reward system so the gratification gratification then is at an all-time low at that point because you're just

having smoke blown up your ass every time they're just telling what you what you want to hear and this is how you end up not um you get to places where in other words like they'll tell you everything that you want to hear and

When it comes down to when you've actually done something that's meaningful to you, or when you've actually genuinely accomplished something, or you're going towards something that is something that's close to you, something that you hold dear, regardless of what it is, from love, relationships, goals, life goals, whatever, you'll have people then repeat to you the same spiel. Oh, you're great, you're this, you're that.

and all of a sudden you become very unsatisfied with everything that you're hearing you become unsatisfied with the people you become unsatisfied with the compliments you become unsatisfied with everything so what is it that you do you go for the next level of what excites you and this is how we put ourselves into

all of these open spaces of well i need to do something or meet somebody more interesting or i need to do something more interesting um i need to have uh greater sex i have to have better sex you know everything has to go a level of 10 you know in order for it to give you some form of of um feeling you know because everything just kind of feels kind of monotonous

But more than that, it just feels bland. So it won't at that point, you know, is your self-esteem going to increase? No. Now your self-esteem has taken even more of a blow because now you're not even getting genuine compliments anymore. So you're doubting yourself. So now you have self-doubt.

and everything gets more toxic at that point. You're trying to gain value and really have others see the worth in you. But again, you've just avoided yourself the entire time. You've not gotten to know yourself.

you've been just dependent and self-reliant without even noticing on others uh compliments on others um feeding your ego so that makes the self-esteem lower it makes it worse and then you really have to keep up appearances at that point of like saying you know oh well yeah i have self-esteem so what happens you become arrogant you start talking you have to talk

about all the things that you do and that you know about yourself that truly you could truly see and know that you do there's there there may be no lie within that okay but the problem is that you have that gratification that reward and then get gratification since you've not received any genuine actual love and approval of any sort you have actually learned to

consistently reject yourself so you don't approve of yourself so what happens is that the people end up being very arrogant only because they have to talk to try to convince themselves in their mind and their emotions on a constant basis that they are good that they are good enough that they are worthy enough that they are better you know that they do good and sell that to people because they're in reality at times trying to just sell it to themselves and

unless this is a con artist and they're just trying to sell you on bullshit but for the most part if it's a person that is having you know severe self-esteem issues at that point and this could be due to a root issue a root issue meaning abuse you know if the person dealt with a

again you haven't healed parts of yourself from the root and because of that you'll go outsourcing all of your all of the positive feelings that you naturally have not been able to do for yourself not just because it could be for a series of things you know because you could say well I have a lot of unforgiveness well that unforgiveness it's the forgiveness sense of not being that you forgive for the other person

you know you do want to forgive because you go look we're all mad in this place we're obviously all confused and that person might have been abusive because they suffered abuse and unfortunately you know how they say hurt people hurt people it's not an excuse um and it's not uh you know it doesn't mean that what they did was correct but at some point the forget you

the empathy enough to say i could forgive you because i could grow an understanding as to why maybe perhaps you were like that however the forgiveness is not necessarily for you then the forgiveness is for myself i can understand why you did what you did i can understand

and put myself in your shoes because sometimes we even repeat these behaviors, right? You've been so abused that you become the abuser or abusive or a negative. You know, it doesn't have to be to such a degree. I think to an extent people...

when you go through things like if you've been bullied you go well i don't want to bully nobody but you might inadvertently bully and not even realize because you just reenact habits that you have of um you know again putting others down and you go well that person could take it i took it you know um so you might inadvertently reenact these things um but

a person who does not want to be the person who caused their wounds this now becomes the reason the ultimate reason as to why you want to have forgiveness in that scenario because the forgiveness ends up being for yourself so that you can begin the process of healing those wounds and healing those areas of your life so that you don't repeat these patterns and you cut those behaviors because now you

You're not acting out in these resentments and they could be very old resentments. You know, they just become either a part of a person's personality or they become a part of you again inadvertently because it was just the pattern that we get accustomed to or used to.

but it just does not make it right you know it just does not make it right so when we go through these things we end up outsourcing all of these emotions we end up outsourcing all of these feelings we end up outsourcing

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if we dare to bring it out to the light and show it to him and say, hey, this is what I'm dealing with. Can you heal this? And he genuinely, he is the healer. So those living waters come from you. And that living water, what is water? Water is cleansing. Water is healing. Water is also, besides cleansing, you know, when Brucie says, you know, you take shape of things. So water is also giving you the

the capability to be um understanding something something that molds itself to situations rather than being stiff and saying no it has to be this way they should have been yes they should have been they should have been better they should have been nicer they should have been kinder they should have been a million things you know everybody has different situations you know they should have not abandoned me but now you have the chance to mold yourself and heal from these things so

the forgiveness ends up becoming something that is very valuable to the person and when we realize that if we are trying to look to be more in control of ourselves rather than trying to control it doesn't make sense to control love it doesn't make sense to control the outside world you know it doesn't make sense to control these things that are out of our hands and

it does make sense however it does make sense to try to control yourself to try to be able to get yourself to places where you do have forgiveness and that forgiveness in turn heals you so that now you're saying wait a minute I love myself I realize that I do have value it doesn't matter if I was put down for 20 years plus or if I'm still being put down for forever and

I see my worth. I see my value as just a normal human being, as just a person, as just a conscious being with thoughts. I have value. I have worth. I have love to give. I have love that I could receive. I'm capable of love, you know, and being able to repair these areas. And by that, you won't have people, you know, and everybody talks about like,

well to be in control and be in control and i'm like the biggest greatest control you could ever have is for yourself is of yourself

not only of your body, but of your mind, of your feelings, of your emotions. The best thing, and I'm not saying to control it in a toxic way. People think that they want to go ahead and set fires and then they stay there being silent and be like, ha ha ha, look what I did. This is not that. That is not having control of your emotion. That is not having true control because again, that person who

tries to force love and tries to force things you know it it has no true value because you are not by forcing a person you have not created love by making a person be with you you have not made love exist in your life you have maybe forced a person next to you but that doesn't you know mean that the person loves you that does not mean that the person values you

that does not mean that the person will grow in love with you it only simply means that you have been manipulative and it might actually create the opposite effect so sometimes we again we might love one-sided and the important thing is to allow love to be present in our life and make room for that love so that true love makes it next to you that true love

is with you you know that you have someone that is loving of you but first beyond anything you know and you might have and i'm and i've seen this type of scenario and i i say this even from experience you might have someone that could adore you and love you to death you know they love you

but you have not grown in self-love you have not learned to yet love yourself and because you outsource all of these things the person that truly loves themselves will not have room next to you because you will not know how to treat this person who loves themselves you will not know how to love this person who loves themselves you will expect things from this person who

genuinely loves you and knows what love is you will expect them to feed your ego you will expect them to do things that everybody else does and then think that this person either is not reciprocating you is not investing in you or is not genuinely caring about you because you have a toxic viewpoint on what caring and love is in the first place so

you might have a person that genuinely sees the goodness in you but it's far down it's a far down reach and the problem is that it's like either i choose to love you at the rate of destroying myself or you need to learn to love yourself in order to have the doors open to welcome love into your life

because this person is not going to act toxic with you they're going to love you they're going to be truthful with you so okay so you have only been fed your ego right you've only outsourced self-esteem and everybody how they've done that is by feeding your ego so they have fed your ego to an extent and to a point where now you're expecting this person who loves themselves and loves you to do the same thing for you

but they're not going to do that what are they going to do they're going to be truthful with you they're going to they're going to support you they're going to give you all of the flowers that you deserve when you deserve them but it will not look like and be like what everybody else does for you because it's toxic they're not trying to manipulate you they're not trying to pull your strings they're not trying to get anything out of you

so what's going to come from them is going to be genuine so one of the two things is going to happen either you're going to say this person falls short they don't give a shit about me or you're going to say i don't believe what you're telling me meanwhile they're the ones that are going to be the most genuine people that are going to tell you the truth and even if they tell you the truth because your ego has been fed so much that you're arrogant your arrogance

will cause you to have problems with this person because you don't want to hear the truth you don't want to know the truth genuinely you don't you may a lot of people say that you know oh i want the truth i i want the truth no you don't no you don't because the truth sometimes is great it could bring relief but sometimes the truth could be a little bit harsh sometimes the truth sounds harsh and yet it's love

sometimes the truth is not to wound you but to try to preserve you sometimes the truth being told to you is showing you a much greater love because it's trying to bring you healing but healing is painful if anybody has broken a leg or been in an accident or dealt with illness the healing becomes a very painful process there's there's death to self even within some of healing

so when you say i want this person and this person genuinely can love you but because you have not loved yourself you have created for yourself barriers barriers that keep you away from that person who can truly give you love so now the love the self-love the having the self-esteem for yourself the seeing your worth not only is it beautiful so that you can see yourself for all your worth

but there's healing within that so that you can leave truly leave your past behind you and it does not occupy space in your life except testimonial it becomes just your testimonial and that's it you know it's a story that you could tell it's it's the testimony that you can give in order to bring healing to others so then it becomes something of alchemy because then you're saying

Now, not only that I go through the situation. Yes, it wasn't the best situation. But now that I've healed from it, now that I have self-esteem, now that I know my self-worth, now that I'm not outsourcing all of these things, now this is where the humility comes. Because you realize who you are. You realize your worth. You're nothing more, nothing less. And you go from there. The pride and the arrogance is only a cover-up. It's only a cover-up.

to try to gain the self-esteem that you're needing in the first place. And it's all in an effort that the body makes so that you can find who you are and find yourself. That's all that is. So when you see people that they're arrogant, not all are the same. Every situation is different. But at times I'll look at people and I'm like, I see beyond your arrogance. I see that there's a person that does not know themselves just yet.

or is scared to get to know themselves or was never accepted for that person that they are deep down inside. They're accepted as this arrogant person. The world will sell you arrogance because it won't sell you the self-esteem. They'll go ahead and sell you the pride because the pride is the lack of the self-esteem. You can have pride in yourself at some point, but there has to be that love.

for yourself first that getting to know yourself and then you'll say you know what it took me a lot of work to get here I didn't just you know come out of the womb and out of the nowhere like this I had to mold this person this person had to go through a lot of things I had to go through a lot of experiences I had to learn a lot

and I had to choose right and sometimes I chose wrong and then I had to choose again you know I had to go through a lot of things to mold this person we don't come out of the nowhere you know people think that oh well we created you no no you have to their life gets molded through your decision making so a lot of times we either make a lot of great decisions or sometimes we make a lot of bad decisions

but in either way that path that life that person gets molded by you you who make your decisions but if you have other people making the decisions for you pulling the strings manipulating you left and right feeding you egotism you know feeding your ego on a constant basis and you get to points where you go i'm already tired of hearing people compliment me i'm tired of hearing people

Tell me the same thing over and over. Well, what you're looking for is genuine connection at that point. And who it starts with is yourself. You need to know who you are first. And then you have open doors to not only that you've accepted yourself to have love for yourself, but then you have open doors for others to come in and love you. And this is why we cannot force love. It is the primary thing. It ends up just doing the opposite.

but when you're ready for love and when you're open to love and when you first have evolved and have given it to yourself that you love and learn to not just love but learn to accept yourself okay because we may have many parts of ourselves that we may not like well that becomes the homework right that becomes the things it's like i hate this part of myself well then work on it

that doesn't mean that you're going to change from day to night. But see, this is where when you have love for one another, when you have love for another, but you have also love for yourself, those imperfect parts are still even parts that you love. You may not like them, but you still love this person, you know, and you're able to work

with somebody else because you're well aware that you're not perfect and you're well aware that that person is not perfect so being having perfection it becomes irrelevant but when you don't know about loving yourself you have all of these little minute requirements i need this and i need it like that and i need bent over and this and that and you have all these specifications and requirements because you still know not love

love covers a multitude of sin for this reason the bible says that for a reason and the sin could be something as much as being rude and it doesn't have to be some extreme sin you know having an attitude or you know driving this person nuts whatever because you as a person will still keep growing the relationship will not pull you out of being an individual and

Um, but, uh,

there's a there's a melding that takes place um it's like even gold you go well gold is gold it's like yeah but gold gets mixed with metal and it needs to be melted down that's a process couples people we go through a process families they go through a process there's there's a a process that's needed and it's

going through the fire is part of it. But when we try to force things along, it doesn't serve us. It doesn't serve us. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't serve you. It doesn't serve the other person. Especially if what you're

in need of and what you want sometimes we don't want to admit that to ourselves it's like what i need and what i want is love and need of love is is is something normal you know to need love to want love um is normal but because of the need it doesn't mean that we have to manipulate and force because it will give us the opposite effect

love is is like a very very free thing it's like butterfly and you cannot force a butterfly to say come butterfly come land on my nose it's like no the butterfly if it wants to land on you it will if not good luck catching it but love doesn't have to be that

tough either but sometimes we need to work within ourselves work on ourselves so that love could find us where we're at and we can attract love because we don't need to and that when we have it we can keep it because we won't abuse it you know we won't say you're not enough or it's not enough or you don't love me the right way or you need to treat me the right way it's like no now it

that becomes irrelevant because now this person their perfection is not required you're open to love you love this person you can actually communicate with with one another and debate discuss and still have love between you love covers a multitude of sins

so i think a lot of times we get sold all of these uh normal season life like oh this is this is normal to have all this arrogance and this pride and this and i'm like it's something that works against you and at the end of the day if it's that you're looking to have more control over your life having control over your life is not always a uh negative thing um

and it does not also mean that you have to grab it, you know, and, and squeeze it tight and choke it. It simply means that having control over your life is not allowing others to have control over your life in order for you to not be manipulated, you know? And when we see these type of actions, we go, Oh yeah, they like us. You know, they're, they're telling me all these great things. They're just words because at the end of the day, if it's,

and you know that should show you how powerful the seed is if it's that you are in a place where you go yeah they're telling me all these things but at that seed it's not genuine that seed that's planted that seed that word is it lacks power it's not genuine and because it's not genuine and it's empty at some point receiving all these empty words leaves you what feeling empty

so what are you seeking you're seeking something that has what it bears fruit so you're seeking for something that is genuine it will be the word that that touches your soul it will be the word that offers you growth it will be the word that you go oh yeah i value this i value this person i value their

their word. I value what they tell me. Why? Because the seed isn't bullshit. The seed isn't an empty seed. The seed isn't just feeding your ego. The seed ends up being something that is not just viable, but valuable to you. It feeds you differently. It gives you something that not everybody else is giving you. So when you want that type of interaction with people and attract that type of person and keep them around,

you yourself need to be this person as well you know we talk about law of attraction and attraction it involves a lot of different different things you know um and that being one of them you know you can have a person that again they adore you they love you they want to love you they want to love you i've been in relationships where i've been with people i'm like i want to love you i want to i want to love you so badly but i already know that you

do not love yourself that's something you need to work on and because you don't see your worth and value you will torture me over you not seeing your worth and value thinking that i'm either cheating on you or that i'm not telling you the truth or that when i compliment you it's nothing or all of the things that have weight all of a sudden become invaluable to a person and

who has not yet met themselves and seen the beauty in themselves i could see your beauty all the days long i could see your worth all the days long i could see the depths of your heart and think it's beautiful all day long but it's a heart you don't want to show it's you know actions that you you fall uh into these actions that are very negative that are toxic you know

and people find this normal and it's not normal it's not because at the end of the day what we're looking at is that we want connection we want something that's genuine we want something that's real we want something that's valuable and we want the truth right but the truth we think of all the good parts of the truth but you want the good parts you want the good the bad and the ugly you know you don't want just the parts where you go yeah tell me all the good stuff and then tell me all the

tell me all the good stuff that's not even true you know and and that doesn't help for the self-esteem it doesn't help for for the person's for the person feeling their worth in order for them to love themselves more and you know you might even grow disdain for yourself at some point because you feel all these people are just lying to me I know what I am well then change

be the person that you want to be make the arrangements that you want in order to have the love that you're seeking so that you're not sold bullshit you know so that you're not sold on things that have no worth so that you're not sold um a farce you know so that you're sold something that is true that has weight that has value and that adds to yourself um

what better thing is that you've learned to love yourself and that you add to yourself someone that deposits true love to you that they love themselves that you love yourself and that you're able to give and receive love at that point the important thing is that you learn to receive love so that you are not rejecting other people you know so that you're not uh fearing uh being vulnerable so that you have

open doors to receive true love with a person. And, you know, you avoid so many other things that you would be worried and say, well, I've cheated before and I've done all that. Well, if you love yourself and you learn to love yourself and you allow others that love themselves love you, well, now you've changed things. You're not outsourcing all of these feelings. So you're not going to go outside of yourself now and say,

I'm still looking. No, you found love. That's it. You're not looking for anything. You're not looking for someone to deposit to your self-esteem. You're not looking for someone to give you your worth. You're not looking for someone to tell you how you're supposed to feel or not feel. You're not looking for someone to feed your ego so that you feel better about yourself that day because your partner was tired and has children or whatever be the case. We all have a life.

and we all are still individuals, whether we're in a relationship or not. So you don't put these pressures on your partner and on the relationship itself that might be something detrimental. You end up saying, wait a minute, I don't need to outsource these things. I don't need people to validate me to this extent that I put my investment, which is your relationship, the person that you bring towards you,

i don't put my investment at risk so do cheaters change if they have you know that epiphany and they change yes of course but the love itself if you've not learned to love yourself then no no uh you'll keep going on that pattern and that repetitious cycle and it's because there's core matters there's things at the root that need to be healed within us and there's something that uh

that requires vulnerability, but it doesn't have to be done out loud and it doesn't have to be done out spoken out in the world either. It could be something that you do in private with yourself, you know, to change these patterns, to make these decisions, to alter things in life, to recognize what that looks like. I think sometimes we're just not made aware of the simplicity of, of changing these things, how, how much they affect. But I mean, you know, take,

take one uh pillar take one cornerstone out of the out of the building except apparently the white house just kidding uh take one cornerstone because it's apparently you know story goes that there's a cornerstone missing anyways um but take something pivotal like you know the whole house is leaning on this one cornerstone take that cornerstone out and see what happens it won't hold the whole whole house up you know what i mean it's not going to hold it up

so these are foundational things that hold up a lot of different things in our life when it comes to our relationships our self-esteem our self-worth how we think how we go about life i mean you know when you start changing all of these facets imagine how you approach things so differently you'll approach things so differently regardless if it's love or even if it's friendships you're going to approach things so differently um

in order to, you know, and it's going to take work, but so does everything else in life. So it's like, how do you perceive your future? How do you, how do you envision your future to be having these essential components, you know, having love in your life, you know, feeling love, because, you know, one thing you could be loved a million times. The purpose is that you have love, you have love, you reciprocate love, you have the capability to

not only reciprocate but preserve it keep it with you and take care of it and protect it and then because of that reason you receive it back and you know that it's genuine I think that that's very powerful I think that that's life-changing for anybody that's life-changing for relationships and that's life-changing for anybody but um but yeah just my thoughts for today