Men and women communicate very differently

okay so i wanted to on my way of doing my little errands today um i was gonna speak about how i i just i think it's funny how uh men and women truly are very different so when i listen to like scenarios that people have it's not that i'm past uh like you know situations they happen because when you're in them you're kind of blinded to

uh your own circumstances sometimes because you react emotionally so not everything in life we approach with the logic that we want so there's that so you know that's why people tend to give um advice or they're well aware of what to do but that doesn't mean that that is what they do uh in action um and and that's for multiple different reasons you know you're

you're dealing in your mind with let's say a scenario and it's very uh straightforward uh but when you add another person's emotions and what they want and their logic you know it changes things so not every time once you um include another person into the mix you know you're not always going to get the outcome that you might have thought in your mind anyways

but men and women really do communicate very differently.

Men, although they communicate precisely for the most part, not all, but in general, men are more precise in their communication, straightforward. Women, we're emotional. However, what we do read is the emotion. We read the body language. We read the action, things like that. And it's not to say that men don't read that as well, but our communication styles tend to be very different.

and when you end up adding in like culture differences and you know how you were raised and things like that they it tends to

uh get complicated as far as understanding each other um but i thought it was so uh interesting because a lot of the descriptions of like scenarios that i hear of online is that people will say well i'm not sure if this person you know cares for me because he's not you know necessarily committing to me and he's back and forth and see what men don't understand is that one to me that's like a two-way street

um the woman and i'll speak because i'm a woman so from my end the woman that knows what she wants and is a straightforward communicator she is not going to

really put up with miscommunications or tangled up lines and the reason for that is because what the other person is communicating to them is that one you're not sure two that person is not a priority three not only that you're not sure but

well in being not sure that kind of already tells you how the person feels you get what I mean and you know this differs because if you just first met the person I mean it's a little bit different I'm talking about like if you're already getting to know the person you've already committed to the person to a certain extent one thing that I've learned is to not give your commitment to people that are not committing to you and I say that from experience in my own life

and i think many people have done the same thing you end up committing to a person and you get dragged out for years and realize this person never knew what they wanted and they're not going to realize that the day of tomorrow there's some whether they internally know it or not

they are not sure about you for a reason you know whether deep down inside they're not connecting with themselves and they realize you're just not the one you know they like aspects about you but they're just not sure why they don't want to settle down with you

and i've always said if you're with me and you're still looking around trying to see what else there is then there's a problem with that because then that means you're still looking for the one that means i'm not the one you know what i mean if you're still looking around now if you keep going back to the same person and you're you're denying this person because you don't want to rectify your life

and you don't want to give the commitment to this person you know then there's just a lack of maturity altogether there the serious woman is not going to put up with that because you've already communicated through your language through your with no words you've already communicated to her that you're not willing to settle down with this person also inadvertently you you lower the person's value basically like you're not valuing them um

because you're not prioritizing them when you care about yourself you prioritize yourself you prioritize your wants your desires so you're telling the person you're not one of my priorities you're not one of my main desires i'm kind of putting you on the back shelf all of the time because i'm looking for the other thing that might be more valuable than you

and see, we'll sit there and kind of play around with that for as long as, you know, as long as we start deciphering your actions, you know, but at some point, you know, the person that knows to communicate these things is

is not going to recognize them in the other partner and at that point that partner is going to say you know what i know my worth and it's true there's other people that will be out there that will be like hey i want to commit i i do like you i do want to settle down i do like everything about you why would you as a person chase after the thing that's chasing after something else you want to you want to encounter what is pursuing you

so sometimes we don't realize that we do have to give ourselves love and when that and you know quote-unquote that love is also realizing that we have worth and in that worth you realize wait a minute

i need to learn to be loved by the people that love me not chase after the people that do not love me because what you're doing is you're reinforcing that unhealthy structure you're reinforcing to yourself and believe it or not to others

you know the type of love that you're willing to accept or the type of treatment that you're willing to accept and this isn't to like you know be snooty or to be stuck up or anything it's just it is what it is it's like you already you know the person usually when i've had these type of conversations if it's that i'm like you know dating the other person might get offended because it's like oh well you're telling me that i'm not worth it or you're telling me that i'm not i'm like no you are telling me that i'm not worth it

see that's the whole thing you try to communicate and they will say well you're saying that you're stuck up and that you're that I'm not worth it I'm like no you're telling me that I'm not worth it you haven't taken the time to really really acknowledge what it is that you want you haven't loved yourself enough to figure that out and then you haven't prioritized me and you've put me in competition with everybody else that's in the line so I'm not a person that's in the line I'm a person that is

ready to settle down and has serious feelings i'm not willing to be heartbroken and put in that it's like you want to make the investment into that person but reality is that that person is blocking you from making that love investment in them

so they themselves they they when they get angry at you and tell you all these things of what they think you feel towards them it's in reality it's what it's they're communicating to you i don't feel like i have enough worth well why

i feel that you don't like me because xyz what why so sometimes you know those things need to be talked out and communicated because the person might be self-sabotaging but either way you know when you're with a partner that you you know really love and you really want to be with you'll try to work those things out some people will not allow you to work those things out and that is very painful it is

but it is not our job to stick around to figure that out because that person will take you through this back and forth and again what it creates is just this negative pattern of establishing that that person can treat you like that um kind of call you back and forth whenever they want and um

you know you meanwhile you'll be chasing after a person who is chasing something else because they still have not settled into what they want or have matured to know enough what they want um and then at that point you're going to sabotage yourself as well so imagine that person is self-sabotaging well you'll jump the train you'll jump on hop on the train waiting for this person trying to either heal them or whatnot right

you'll self-sabotage too because you'll have people chasing after you that really have the the worth of uh you know really want to put in the work and really have worth and are wonderful people and you go oh i'm gonna you know sabotage something healthy someone who truly loves me and i'm gonna sabotage that because i'm gonna jump into this

other back and forth relationship with this person that still doesn't know what they want after years no no and i learned that in such a harsh way like i met people you know that i go wow this person's wonderful and i had to sit back with myself and really learn and think wait a

why am i not giving this other person a chance because we're looking for all of the other chemistry and really the reality is that that back and forth and that push and pull um because again i'm going to stay on this topic for several different things but when it comes to the dopamine levels that push and pull and that reward system it's as if that push and pull excites us sometimes you know but it's a toxic thing

it's a toxic method of having that chemistry arise in us with that person but at the core is it chemistry you know or is it toxicity so we have to differentiate or the fact that if the sex is good you know so again you might go run to this person have sex and then break it off with this person because there's nothing else tying you there to that individual so what are our healthy habits that we have

and if they're not healthy what is it exactly that we're looking for because when you're establishing a relationship with one another it's these healthy habits that we have these um again when you go home it's a place of comfort it's a place of safety

you know when you're back and forth with a person and you're not even sure whether this person wants you likes you wants to stay committed to you that's not a feeling of safety that gives the person whether you're a secure person or not it gives you a lot of insecurities so what it breeds itself its fruit you can tell that the negativity that it breeds is for a reason it's because it's not a good seed

you know it's breeding something of jealousy of being back and forth of not feeling that you're worth enough meanwhile you'll have a good seed a good apple and a person that's like i want to settle down i'm willing to make an investment i really like you

and open yourself have an open heart to get to know the person rather than we so quickly at the drop of a hat will expose ourselves to toxic people and say oh yeah I'll go with this person you know they really like me and it's this toxic back and forth with an individual that really doesn't have our best interest at the end of the day

and you know for the man that says i just don't know what i want and i'm like exactly you don't know what you want so it's like going to a restaurant and saying i'm gonna sit there endlessly i don't know what i want but i'm never gonna order food so why'd you go to the restaurant in the first place this isn't a place for you to be you need to stay home and go like you know look through the menu for a while so

what is the purpose of that and what is the person's purpose they might just be looking for sex they might be looking for connection but in a toxic manner because they themselves have not matured in that area or learned certain lessons where they have learned to appreciate a partner and be committed to someone now can they change and that might change sure but

personally um you know i did that and it eats up at your years so it's like do you want to do that like especially if you're younger it's like do you want to do that like do you want to eat up all your 20s and 30s waiting and back and forth on an individual um personally i don't you know um i don't and i say it don't as now as a 40 year old so because i did that been there done that

you know and i'll tell you it really does because you think well i'm a very committed person it's beautiful but then you end up because of the commitment and because you are the committed person you end up in relationships for five six seven ten years and it's a lot of time when you really look at it yes you grow but it's something for you to sometimes grow out of to be honest um and i personally had to because i was just like okay i'm

i have to learn to do things cut and dry and just cut it at the root because i'm realizing that this person is communicating to me that they are not sure and by now you would be sure and if you're still looking around then it's because you're still looking for someone there's someone i don't fulfill you and i need to i need to realize that but i need to go find the person that i do fulfill and that fulfills me

because if not i'm always going to be again we put ourselves in dangerous situations or i would say unsavory situations when we end up in these back and forth with individuals because we just don't realize these things sooner and because it eats away at our time

we sometimes don't let them go because of the time investment but it's like sometimes we have to cut our losses you know because we end up passing up on people and individuals that really are good for us you know that you would have had not just commitment but love not just love but support not just support but someone that you know really adores you and really uh

not just caters to you because i would say i think of it backwards you know both cater to each other um but you're talking about a totally different foundation someone you can count on someone you rely on sometimes when we're in predicaments where we go wow this person is beautiful this person is wonderful i don't deserve this person sometimes it's the best circumstance to be in because you

you yourself if you feel that you didn't deserve that then that means it's a gift that means that you receive that person by grace you know what i mean by some miracle you have this person in your life you will always be in gratitude for this person because

it shouldn't bring an insecurity more so a grateful a gratitude attitude you know towards this person and and on a consistent basis i remember meeting uh this lady i was doing a clinical and i thought that is the type of relationship i would want and you know to a certain extent my mom and dad

are like that you know because although you could say oh every relationship has its things my dad always like adored my mom like always like has always will always like it's it doesn't matter for better or worse you know however um this woman she was sitting there and she says oh

my husband uh because she was fresh out of surgery so i was doing clinicals and she had gotten her i think she got like a little nip tuck because she had uh to do a few little things right so she was sitting there kind of like a little drugged out and she's looking at me like but like all dewy eyed and i said there's a gentleman there that he's asking for you and she says that's my husband she says he's so beautiful she says he's so sweet he does everything beautiful to me

he does everything for me to help me like he's so wonderful to me i'm so grateful she goes i love how he is how he treats me he's such a beautiful person she went on and on and she had been married for like years and years i mean this wasn't like a new marriage all right she was talking about him up the wazoo of how beautiful this man was how sweet he was and you know

what i loved was she was a very beautiful woman she's very beautiful the guy was like this like short short type of stumpy guy like it wasn't anything it was like an omar fudd right it didn't matter to me it's just that the women were surprised when he came in because she was talking him up so much that

the woman thought that she was with like some like you know papi chulo and when he comes in the women that were in the clinical with me go that's him like she's been talking up a storm about this man and that's him and i said she loves him i go that's love it doesn't matter looks are it doesn't matter about the looks it matters about that this person you love them and that they love you

Love. Love.

love so when you say you have love you have support you know but a lot of people they go for just a look or just this or just that and i go at the end of the day that there at that core it's that that woman was loved supported not just catered to because to me you know he was he was very good with her um but really showed her love so what does she do she shows admiration and love back

like sometimes men want to be admired so much and it's that that's missing that component of really showing this person love and it's not giving her things it's that he dedicates time and love to this woman

and you can tell because the fruit of that is that this woman is gushing over out of the seams in love with the man years like 20 years later you know um so sometimes we want certain things and we don't realize what do you have to put into the coin machine you know you're not it takes only quarters and you go i'll give it 10 cents and see if it still gives me a gumball it won't

like it won't and the admiration that sometimes people want it's like because you need to show her that she's worth it or that there's a priority towards her or that she means something to you the person that you treat it's like with no love no care no priority you know

you know then it's not your one you know and sometimes we have a hard time with that because you want this other particular person to be that one but then that person isn't that one you know but sometimes i find it real funny because it's like what are you communicating with your actions there's not a need for you to communicate personally to me with words when i see already that you go oh i don't know if i'm going to pick you from this one or this one and you're third in the line and i'm like okay then you've already made your choice because i don't i don't take third place

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so women that know their worth or that know their place and that know what they're looking for your actions are already going to tell that woman because she knows how to communicate properly that's what she's telling you i know how to communicate properly i have my head on straight so

i might be nutty but i have my head on straight you know what i mean so they'll know to communicate these things and there's no words needed these things will be communicated through action and through observation and that's it and you know the person might be very unaware or not self-aware in realizing that that's what they're even communicating

um you know they'll they'll think oh i was just you know trying to see what i want exactly so you don't go to the restaurant to go eat if it's that you don't know what you want on the menu yet and then you're going to sit there for a couple years um again the person that knows to communicate they already can read that off of you so women tend to read men very well

While men are great communicators and precise, there needs to be, and some do, a lot do, but there needs to be a connect between the heart space and your emotionalism in order to communicate properly.

but when you're throwing out these type of actions and you expect another sort of reaction because you don't realize that that's what you're communicating to a woman. You know, you're communicating to a woman that she's not...

she she's only third or second best or she's not what you like or look like or you know the looks aren't good enough or whatever it be you know everybody has their things but it's like if you do these type of actions that's what you communicate to that person so the person who's serious about you that does have the capacity to love will no longer be

hold that space for you because you've communicated to them that you don't have a space for them you see what i mean i'll get into it more later but and the realities of what dopamine but i need to go get stuff before starts reading